First day of School

Today, we officially start the BAPP course, It’s the first day of school.  I have used that phrase in so many situations, usually when i’m starting rehearsals for a contract or starting the contract itself.  It can imply so many things, all of which apply to how I am feeling about starting the BAPP course! Nervous, apprehensive but excited and enthusiastic too.  There is an element of “fear of the unknown” but after our first Skype induction chat I feel more at ease, purely because so many of my fellow students had the same worries and fears as I did. It has been a long time since I was in a typical learning environment and I know it’s going be scary approaching some elements of learning again. Over the summer, I bought a few books online,  Palsgrave Study Skills,  including Critical Thinking Skills and the Work Based Learners Student Handbook.  I found it incredibly useful to warm up my brain, as it were. I would never go straight into a Ballet class without a warm up, so why should this be different? 

This is my first attempt at a blog and its a little bit like a performance.  Once it’s out there, either you've pressed ‘publish’ or the curtain has come down, thats it.  Something personal to you has been seen by other people and there is nothing you can do to change it. Being a perfectionist was a point raised in our Skype induction by one of our tutors and it really is something I can associate with! Has anybody else struggled with this? I have so many memories of auditions and performances where I have been so angry with myself that I forget the good things and just focused on what I would have changed and done differently.  Some teachers I have had in my training have said that this is valuable as I will always strive to do better, whilst some have said the complete opposite and I should strive to focus on the positive. I am interested to see what other people’s thoughts are on this and if anybody had and similar experiences? 

‘Know where you want to get to, then figure out your own steps.’ This was another comment made in the Skype induction and it really made me think and question…have I ever really done that before? Perhaps when I was in school I did, I devised timetables of revision earmarked for certain grades that I wished to achieve.  As far as my professional career goes I think it’s safe to say I have struggled to even picture an end goal or result. I feel like so many of us in the performing arts are conditioned to accept failure as an end result. I believe this is purely because of how competitive and ruthless this industry is.  Self preservation is something I had to learn very early in my training, how to develop a thick skin. I have always found it incredibly difficult to say exactly what I want to achieve out of this career choice because so many times I have been told not to ‘get my hopes up’.  It’s incredibly difficult to even sustain a career and I know personally that my plan has always just evolved around ‘playing it by ear’ to see what options are presented to me.  I have always been afraid of saying that I want a certain job or certain outcome from an audition in case I don’t get it. 

Recently, I have been thinking more about what I want to achieve next, which is why I applied for the BAPP course.  I started to realise that by not doing a typical Higher Education course, I had missed out on a few things. I am incredibly interested in Drama Therapy but will not be able to progress in that field without completing the BAPP and filling in those vital gaps in my education and learning experience.  I am not saying that I regret the path I took because going to Liverpool Theatre School gave me a wealth of practical knowledge within Musical Theatre and well equipped me for working in the industry, but it is now time to take ownership of my own learning again. Maybe it’s time to stop ‘playing it by ear’ and finally decide on a goal to work towards.